THE GARDEN LESSON

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THE GARDEN LESSON

As I lay in the hospital bed in the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit, my body torn by such pain as I have never known and the prognosis so grim – Acute Promyelocytic Leukemia – my thoughts continually went to Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. In fact, as I went in and out of consciousness, in the times I was clear-headed and every time in between, the scene at the Garden of Gethsemane was constantly in my mind’s eye. The picture never left me; it was if I was personally observing Jesus in the Garden.

Matthew 26:39 KJV
39 And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.

There is a whole life lesson in that one sentence. As I said, whether my eyes were open or closed, I felt I was watching Jesus, seeing Him bent over in agony in the Garden, praying with all of His strength to His Father. Jesus knew what was ahead and He sorrowed. He knew that He was facing His horrible death on the Cross and He was torn in agony. He asked the Father if it were possible to let the cup of suffering pass from Him.

As I lay there in my hospital bed, faced with cancer and an unknown outcome, crying and praying, I too sorrowed. I agonized for my husband of then 22 years and my 4 living children, the youngest being the tender age of 4. I could hardly breathe when I would think of my babies growing up without their Mommy and my husband going on alone without me.

As the doctors routinely laid out their plan for my treatment, making sure to always let me know that death was a very real possibility, even death from the medicines designed to help me, I found myself praying the same prayer that Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane. I prayed “Father, if it be Your will, please let this cup of suffering and death pass from me.”

Jesus did not stop there with that part though, as the next breath of His prayer holds the lesson and true picture of our Master and King in His earthly mission. Jesus prayed …”Nevertheless, not as I will, but as thou wilt.”

I knew that was the next step to my prayer, but I was stuck at “Father, please take this cup from me.”

My dilemma was how to get from “Father, please let this cup pass from me…” to “Not my will, but whatever YOU will.”

I was afraid, I admit it. I did not want to die just yet. I had more to do for my family and for G-d. While I longed to be out of the horrible pain and out of this life with its troubles, trials and temptations and finally rest in the safe arms of Jesus and see our son Benjamin, I begged G-d to let me live. I was not afraid of death, for I knew I would be in the presence of Jesus, I was just not ready to go then and leave my beloved family and all that I knew and loved.

Every day, for those 5 weeks in the hospital, I prayed Jesus’ Garden prayer, but I could not go past the “let this cup pass from me.”

As I underwent chemotherapy and had a life-threatening reaction to the medicine and I still remained alive, even coming close to death 5 separate times and the doctors amazed that I did not die those times, I thanked the Father for letting the cup of death pass from me. But, I knew I needed to go deeper. I asked Him to help me get to the second part of Jesus’ prayer.

Slowly, I began to realize that I could not do it on my own, I would need the help of the Holy Spirit to TRULY (not just in words) lay my life down into the hands of the L-rd and trust Him to take me or let me live. I had said the words for almost 30 years. “Oh yeah, L-rd, I give you my life.” But, when it came right down to my LIFE, really living or dying, it was a different story.

Over the next 18 months of my chemotherapy with its painful and long processes, setbacks and challenges and yet overcoming them and continuing to hang on and to respond to the treatments, I felt more and more that G-d was letting me live and answering my prayer. But, I still longed to be able to truly trust enough to let HIS will prevail, not mine.

About 2 1/2 years after my cancer diagnosis and about 11 months after my last chemo treatment, I had another real cancer scare. This first possibility of a re-occurrence of cancer truly floored me and I was afraid that I would die again. It was as if I was back at square one.

As I faced this latest challenge of my faith in the L-rd, the Holy Spirit gently reminded me that I had not ever crossed that bridge in my trust for my life or truly handed it over to G-d. I was still at “Take this cup” and not at, “Not my will, but Yours be done.” I knew it was time.

So, I bowed in prayer and asked the Holy Spirit to help me REALLY mean it. He let me know that Jesus loved my family more than I ever could. He loved my precious children and my sweet husband. And, IF, His will was to take me home, He would take care of my family. I was not to worry. Of course, I still prayed IF it was His will for the cup of death to pass from me, but this time, I said the words that Jesus prayed as He submitted to the Father…“Nevertheless, not my will, but YOURS be done.” I spoke out the confession that I trusted G-d for His will in my life and for my life.

I received the joyous report that it was NOT cancer this time. I was elated of course and so deeply thankful that the cup of death had once again passed from me.

In February 2007, I went with our church group to Israel. What a life-changing experience! The Bible came alive!! I was hesitant but at the same time anxious to visit the Garden of Gethsemane. I felt as if I had been there before, but I could not wait to see it in real life, to touch the trees, to walk on the paths, to see what Jesus saw. I just knew that nestled beneath the Mount of Olives was the place, the garden, the haven that Jesus chose to pour His heart out in prayer with His Father. What a special place to be actually walking in! Gethsemane means “oil press” and what a picture of Jesus and the pressure He felt!

Mark 14:
32 And they went to a place called Gethsemane. And he said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” 33 And he took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be greatly distressed and troubled. 34 And he said to them “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch.” 35And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him.

As we entered the Garden, the pictures came back to my mind of how I viewed it and Jesus in it from my hospital bed. Here it was, in real life! The gigantic, twisted olive trees, some thousands of years old and shoots of trees thousands of years old provided a canopy, a shade, a protection of sorts. I imagined that in Jesus’ time, the trees, their beauty and majesty and the gentle calm of the surroundings were a balm to Jesus’ troubled heart. Here was a place where He could commune with the Father.

However, according to Scripture, the prayers were so intense and His soul was “sorrowful”, He was “greatly distressed and troubled.” Jesus looked ahead to His death on the Cross and all that had to take place before that event.

In Luke 22 we read:
43 And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him. 44And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.

Jesus, the Son of Man, who was fully G-d and fully Man prayed and emptied Himself of His humanity, choosing to submit Himself to the will of G-d the Father.

Standing there in the Garden, I could not move. As the group walked on, I stood there, staring at the trees, tears in my eyes for the magnitude of what transpired here and how that affected each and every one of us, and especially myself.

As I stood there drinking in the emotions of this knowledge right here in this Garden, the actual place where Jesus agonized, it came alive to me once again. There under the gnarled olive trees, in the darkness of the night where Jesus surrendered His will to the will of the Father and CHOSE to go to the Cross for us. Because of His submission, we all could be born-again and be reconciled to the Father for eternity. Because of that surrender all our sins were paid for on Calvary.

Here in that very garden, I could palpate the presence of Jesus who gave up His life, willingly, but not without angst and struggle. To think of Jesus feeling those emotions and YET, surrendering His will and by His own choosing, becoming the sacrifice Lamb for us show that He has felt all that we feel. He can understand our angst, our pulling to go to Him or stay with our loved ones. He understands our deepest cries and agonies in this life, for He was experienced them all, more than we could ever experience. He understands our feelings, our “distressed and troubled soul” for He has had to feel it before us. And YET, He gave Himself over to the Father, right there in that garden, right where I was standing. I remembered what the Word says about Jesus understanding our agonies:

Hebrews 4:
14 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

1 John 5
14 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us.

Philippians 1
21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

23 I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. 24But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.

Could I do any less than trust Him with my life and the life of my loved ones?

Can you?

© 2007 Vickilynn Haycraft
All Rights Reserved

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